I’ll give you simple, powerful steps to resolve problems you may be having with; raising kids and teens, relationship difficulties, lack of personal direction or power, money issues, learning difficulties and more.

I have been counseling, coaching and consulting individuals, kids, couples and businesses for over 26 years. I know what works and what doesn’t work.

If I can’t help you, I can refer you to someone who can.

For a free Personality Test and evaluation, go to the following link: http://www.personalabilities.com/free_oca.php

To order my book, This Lifetime, click the Amazon link to the right.

You can also contact me at: rich@richnisbet.com

POWER

To succeed you need a power base.

What is your power base? It can be the money and property you control. The number of people who you influence. The groups or businesses you control. The size of your game.

How you work with people determines the amount of power you get.

For example, Mr. Green is the CEO of a successful book publishing company in New York City. He is retiring and needs to recommend a new CEO to the Board of Directors. Mr. Green’s two best managers are Steve, who runs the printing division, and Melissa, who runs the editing division.

Steve has wanted to be the CEO for years. He tells his staff, “Someday, I’ll be running things and we’ll come out of the dark ages. Mr. Green’s a nice guy and all that, but he’s old.”

Melissa is also interested in the CEO job. She tells her staff, “Mr. Green is an outstanding leader. He’s taught me a great deal. If I run things, I’ll try to be like Mr. Green.”

Steve likes to disagree with Mr. Green. “You don’t want me to be a yes-man do you Mr. Green? We can’t always do things your way. I have better ideas.”

Melissa prefers to support Mr. Green. “Tell me what you want done and I’ll take care of it for you.”

Steve is shocked when Mr. Green recommends Melissa for the CEO position.

Your Powers

Who are your “powers”? Who do you depend on for your success? Certainly your boss, but also your customers, colleagues, partners, leaders of your groups, influential friends and others.

Everyone depends on others for their power. Bosses depend on their staff. Fathers depend on mothers. Young politicians depend on senior politicians as well as voters and financial contributors.

Who do you depend on? Who are the people who can help you? These are your “powers.”

Now examine how you treat these powers. Do you build them up or drag them down? Do you make them more powerful or less powerful. Do you give them ease or give them stress?

How you treat these people may have more to do with your success than you realize.

Pushing Power

“Always push power in the direction of anyone on whose power you depend. It may be more money for the power or more ease or a snarling defense of the power to a critic.”

“If you work like that and the power you are near or depend upon is a power that has at least some inkling* about how to be one and if you make others work like that, then the power-factor expands and expands and expands and you too acquire a sphere of power bigger than you would have if you worked alone.” — L. Ron Hubbard (*inkling: a slight idea)

Some movie actors find it hard to share the spotlight. They think they will get ahead if they criticize others. When talking about a movie director, they say things like, “He was the toughest director I’ve ever worked for” or “She and I had artistic differences.” These actors are often out of work.

When John Travolta was promoting his movie Pulp Fiction, he constantly complimented and thanked writer/director, Quentin Tarantino. Who was John flowing power to? What happened to John’s career? It exploded! He became one of the busiest, best-paid actors in history.

Have you heard about assistants, secretaries and clerks who became millionaires? These workers flowed power to their bosses. When these bosses hit it big, they took care of their staffs. Since most bosses have an “inkling” of how to be a power, they love to share their success with those who help them succeed.

Employees who bite the hand that feeds them are soon looking for work. Staff who do not defend their bosses when their bosses are attacked see their workplace become stressful and unpleasant.

On the other hand, if you flow power to your powers, you make them happier and more successful. These powers then have the means and desire to help you. They can give you promotions, raises, freedoms, responsibilities and opportunities you would not otherwise receive. They can help you succeed in more ways than anyone else you know.

Ten Suggestions for Flowing Power to Your Powers

As long as your power has an inkling of how to be a power, these ten tips will make your own power base increase and increase.

1. Do a better job for your power than he or she expects. Surprise him or her with fast completions, incredible production and amazing results.

2. Support the power’s ideas and requests, whenever possible.

3. When the power offers you more responsibility, grab it. Do not hesitate or worry about the pay.

4. If you need to tell the power about a problem, include a solution as well. Better yet, solve the problem so you can relay the problem and the fact that it is now solved.

5. If you see your power is making a mistake, do not let him or her fail, but try to help your power. Provide the information he or she may be missing. Offer suggestions and solutions.

6. Never miss a chance to make a gesture of support. For example, insist on paying for the meal you share with a power, even if he or she is wealthier than you. Never forget the power’s birthday. Be as generous as you can be.

7. If you hear criticism about one of your powers, jump in and defend him or her. Change negative attitudes that others have about your power. Encourage them to support your power.

8. If your power is under stress, do what you can to reduce that stress. Help him or her become cheerful and optimistic. If the power is happy, everyone is happy!

9. If one of your powers is being attacked, take some of the heat. Get in front of your power and fight back. Do not let your power go down, or you too, will go down.

10. Help your power make more money. Yes, even if your power is wealthy, find ways to make him or her even wealthier. If your power’s income goes up, your income will go up.

Three Action Steps

Make a list of your powers. Who do you depend on for your success? Who can help you the most?

Write down three ways you can flow power to each of your powers.

If you then do these three things with each, and flow even more power after that, you will see your own power and success take a leap!

Copyright © 2009 TipsForSuccess.org. All rights reserved. Grateful acknowledgment is made to L. Ron Hubbard Library for permission to reproduce selections from the copyrighted works of L. Ron Hubbard.

When your spouse does something wrong, how do you react?

Some spouses like to blame. “You really embarrassed me when you told that stupid joke. You make me want to stay at home.”

Other spouses prefer to criticize. “You’re so fat it makes me sick.”

Getting even is also a favorite response. “Well, because you were flirting with Chris, I decided to flirt with Pat.”

By blaming, criticizing or getting even with your spouse, you are trying to be AT CAUSE by putting your spouse AT EFFECT. Unfortunately, putting your spouse AT EFFECT is harmful to your relationship. You start arguments and fights. Just because your parents reacted badly toward each other is no reason you need to continue the tradition.

Cause and Effect

When it comes to situations and relationships, you are either at a cause point or an effect point. When you paint a wall, you are at cause over the paint and the color of the wall. When you spill paint all over your clothes, you are at the effect of that paint.

There are two types of relationships:

1. CAUSE-EFFECT is the most common type of relationship. As in the examples above, you take command of the relationship and put someone else at the effect of you or the problem.

For example, husband John says, “Mary, you ran over the neighbor’s gate. How could you be so stupid?”

John might feel at cause over the gate problem, but Mary will feel effect.

2. In a CAUSE-CAUSE relationship, you assume a cause point yourself AND you allow or encourage others to assume the cause point as well.

This idea comes from L. Ron Hubbard who writes:

“If Mary burns the toast, John accepts responsibility for this action. This does not mean that he assumes all the responsibility and leaves none for Mary. It means that he assumes all the responsibility and that Mary assumes all the responsibility, too. They both assume all the responsibility. Under such an arrangement, no one can be blamed. All their attention goes into doing better with the toast, and none of it is wasted in blame.

“Mary runs the family automobile into the neighbor’s gate. The neighbor rushes over in a huff and encounters John in the front yard. The neighbor says, `You just ruined my gate!’ John goes with the neighbor to look at the gate and at the car. Sure enough, there is blue paint on the gate and white paint on the car. The evidence is conclusive. John agrees with the neighbor that the gate has been damaged by John’s car and he asks the neighbor to have it repaired and send him the bill. The neighbor says that the damage is not very great and so he will repair it himself. John lends him the tools and helps him to repair the gate. John insists on buying a can of white paint, and the neighbor says he will enjoy painting the gate on Sunday. He apologizes for being so excited at first. They shake hands.

“John goes into the house, and Mary says, `Dear, I hit the Jones’s gate with the car.’ John says, `Yes, I know. We’ve already repaired it.” Mary says, `I’m sorry. I was thinking about the bathroom curtains.’ John says, `That’s all right. What about the bathroom curtains?’ Mary says, I want to dye them blue.’ John says, `That’s a good idea.’

“If nobody is to blame for the damage to the gate, a constructive subject like dyeing the curtains will immediately attract John’s and Mary’s attention, since it represents future action.” — L. Ron Hubbard

Cause-cause relations are teamwork at its very best. You and your spouse accept responsibility for all of the actions of each other. You spread an umbrella of responsibility.

Imagine no arguments or upsets with your spouse. Imagine never trading insults or hurtful comments.

Making a cause-cause relationship with your spouse is the road to a happy marriage.

Give it a try!

 © 2009 TipsForSuccess.org. All Rights Reserved. Click for copyright and trademark information.

The following dialogue took place circa 1971:

Dad: “This Saturday I want you to go get your hair cut.”

Me: “No.  I want to keep it long.”

Dad: “No.  You need to get it cut.”

Me: “I don’t want to cut it.”

Dad: “You’ve got to get it cut so do it this Saturday.”

Me: “No I don’t!  I don’t have to cut it.  It’s my hair!”

Dad: “No… it’s not.  It’s the family’s hair.”

What?! The family’s hair?!  I was speechless.  What can you say to something like that?   I inherently knew what my dad was implying.  He was giving the “big picture”.   So now, if I dismissed that as a concept, then I would be showing how completely shallow and unaware I am, which would then of course give dad the right to bypass me regarding my personal grooming and so force the haircut issue.  I was boxed in a corner.  What a brilliant tactic.  A lawyer move.  He must have learned stuff like that when he was working on getting his doctorate at the university.

My hair was short that next Saturday.

(From Song/Chapter 2, “Fifty Years”,  This Lifetime)