I’ll give you simple, powerful steps to resolve problems you may be having with; raising kids and teens, relationship difficulties, lack of personal direction or power, money issues, learning difficulties and more.

I have been counseling, coaching and consulting individuals, kids, couples and businesses for over 26 years. I know what works and what doesn’t work.

If I can’t help you, I can refer you to someone who can.

For a free Personality Test and evaluation, go to the following link: http://www.personalabilities.com/free_oca.php

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You can also contact me at: rich@richnisbet.com

When people fail, they often blame someone else for their failure.

“My parents argued all the time which is why I’m now divorced.” “If I hadn’t listened to my accountant’s advice, I’d be rich.” “This city has ruined me.”

People blame others when they do poorly at work.

“My boss is such a jerk, I’m too stressed to get my work done.” “I don’t get paid enough to be nice to EVERY customer.” “If everyone else wasn’t so lazy, I’d be more energetic.”

Blame is also used for personal problems.

“I’m depressed because of the tragedies on television.” “I can’t be faithful to my wife because I have a chemical imbalance.” “I can’t stop smoking because my father used to spank me.”

Why You Can’t Win the Blame Game

When you blame someone or something else, you actually make yourself weak and ineffective. You make yourself “effect” instead of being the “cause” of the situation. You give power to the person or thing you blame.

“Blaming something else makes that something else cause; and as that cause takes on power, the individual in the same act loses control and becomes effect.” — L. Ron Hubbard

For example, your business is failing and you blame your assistant. You are making your assistant more powerful than you. You might say, “My assistant messed up my business, ” which is just another way of saying, “My assistant determines if my business succeeds or fails.”

If you take responsibility for your business, you would say, “I need to train my assistant so he doesn’t make mistakes” or “I’d better fire my assistant so he doesn’t block my business success.”

As another example, you might blame your parents for your stress and anxiety. This makes your parents responsible for your feelings. If you say, “My parents ruined my life,” you are actually saying, “My parents are so powerful, they control my emotions. I have no control over my anxiety.”

How You Win

Stopping the blame game and accepting responsibility for yourself gives you new hope. “My parents didn’t ruin my life. I ruined my life by being lazy and unemployed. I need to improve my opinion about myself and get busy.”

While blaming people for your problems is silly, blaming physical objects is even sillier. “My house is so ugly, I feel depressed.” “The stock market crash makes me go crazy!” “My body has a disorder which makes me fat.” In these cases, you are actually saying, “My life is controlled by _______.”

If you wish to succeed, you have to end the blame game. You only get ahead when you become “cause” over the situation. ” I’ll stop watching TV and paint my house a nice color.” “I’ll work hard and increase my income so the stock market doesn’t bother me.” “I’m fat because I eat tons of junk food and don’t exercise.”

Five Steps for Ending the Blame Game

1. Make four columns on a sheet of paper.

2. In the first column, list all of the problems or conditions you blame on others or things. Example: “I can’t stop smoking because I’m addicted to nicotine.”

3. In the next column, write how you are responsible for each problem or condition. Example: “I am the one who decided to become a smoker.”

4. Write how you can take more responsibility for each. Example: “I could be more determined to quit smoking.”

5. In the last column, write down an action step you can take for each problem or condition. Example: “Each time I want a cigarette this week, take a 15-minute walk first.”

Five Benefits of Taking More Responsibility

* Other people and things have less control over your destiny.

* Poor conditions start to improve.

* You make fewer mistakes.

* No one can control you without your consent.

* You become the most powerful force in your life.

Copyright © 2008 TipsForSuccess.org. All rights reserved. Grateful acknowledgment is made to L. Ron Hubbard Library for permission to reproduce selections from the copyrighted works of L. Ron Hubbard.

If you cannot laugh, you set a negative example for others. People tend to dislike you. No one wants to help you get ahead.

If you cannot laugh, you may not sleep well. You might need drugs or alcohol to feel good. You probably have health problems.

Fortunately, everyone can laugh under any circumstances.

Health Benefits of Laughter

* Laughter strengthens the Immune System. According to Dr. Lee S. Berk from Loma Linda University, California, USA, laughter improves the quality of your blood.

* Laughter stimulates your circulation. Per Dr. William Fry of Stanford University, one minute of laughter is equal to 10 minutes on the rowing machine.

* Laughing massages your internal organs. It enhances your organ efficiency, especially with intestines. Experiments also show your blood pressure decreases after 10 minutes of laughter.

* Laughter increases the levels of the natural painkiller called endorphin. In Norman Cousins’ book “Anatomy of an Illness,” he explains how laughter relieved the intense pain of his spinal disease when no other painkiller would help him.

* Younger appearance. Laughter exercises your facial muscles. When you laugh, your face becomes brighter because your blood supply increases. Laughing people look more attractive.

How to Laugh

An effective method to find joy and laughter in life is to make your problems seem MORE serious!

“The mechanism* is to make it more and more and more serious until it becomes utterly and completely ridiculous and the person will explode the whole thing off in laughter.” — L. Ron Hubbard (*mechanism: system or process)

You exaggerate your troubles or expand your complaints to such hilarious levels that you and others end up laughing.

Comics get laughs when they make things extra serious. Remember Saturday Night Live television shows where John Belushi would get so upset that he would turn red, scream with anger and flop back and forth until he fell off his chair? He was so overly serious, the audience would howl with laugher.

You can use the same method to make serious people start laughing.

For example, you go into a bank to cash a check. The bank teller looks at you suspiciously and says, “May I see two forms of identification please?”

You say, “Sure. Here’s my driver’s license and my credit card.”

The bank teller clerk examines your cards without comment. She seems unhappy.

So you pull out more cards and say, “And here’s Star Trek Fan Club card, my video rental card and my Yo-Yo Association card.”

The teller tries to stay serious, but has to laugh.

As another example, a serious waitress brings your food and says, “Be careful. The plate is very hot.”

So you touch the plate, jerk your hand and yell, “OUCH!”

The waitress realizes you are exaggerating and laughs.

Make Personal Problems So Serious That You Laugh

If you are feeling sorry for yourself, write or say to yourself, “Oh, oh, oh! Woe is me! I suffer so much. POOR MEEEE!!! My life is a complete mess! I’m devastated! I will never be happy ever!”

If you don’t start laughing, make yourself sob, even cry. Be as serious as possible until you feel ridiculous. If you aren’t laughing, bawl as loud as you can.

If you feel depressed, act it out. Make your frown as ugly as possible. Curl up on your bed and act more depressed than ever.

When you feel afraid of something, exaggerate that fear. Make your body tremble and look terrified! Scream, wave your hands and hide in a closet.

If you feel stressed, act EXTREMELY stressed out. Pretend to have a heart attack. Fall on the floor. Give an Academy Award performance.

If someone gives you some alarming news, grab your collar and pretend to hang yourself. Pretend the world has come to an end until you both laugh. If you are a manager or parent, do this with serious employees and serious kids to get them to lighten up.

“Man, if sane, is a child of laughter.” — L. Ron Hubbard

Try it!

Copyright © 2008 TipsForSuccess.org. All rights reserved. Grateful acknowledgment is made to L. Ron Hubbard Library for permission to reproduce selections from the copyrighted works of L. Ron Hubbard.

I went to check on my youngest son while he was sleeping and found that he had his I-pod playing in his ears. He had fallen asleep while listening to music.

In the morning I was about to embark on “why he should go to sleep when he is supposed to and not to sneak his I pod and keep himself awake because he had school, hockey practice, blah, blah, blah…”

Before I launched into my speech, I happened to ask him what he was listening to. He told me, “The Beatles”.

For some reason I couldn’t proceed with my planned reprimand.

It was me who exposed him to The Beatles! I was the original starting point for his lack of sleep now!

In any upset, if we can find a point where we had some responsibility in creating it, it makes it much easier and saner to deal with and work out a sensible plan without unneeded bad emotion or upset.

POWER

To succeed you need a power base.

What is your power base? It can be the money and property you control. The number of people who you influence. The groups or businesses you control. The size of your game.

How you work with people determines the amount of power you get.

For example, Mr. Green is the CEO of a successful book publishing company in New York City. He is retiring and needs to recommend a new CEO to the Board of Directors. Mr. Green’s two best managers are Steve, who runs the printing division, and Melissa, who runs the editing division.

Steve has wanted to be the CEO for years. He tells his staff, “Someday, I’ll be running things and we’ll come out of the dark ages. Mr. Green’s a nice guy and all that, but he’s old.”

Melissa is also interested in the CEO job. She tells her staff, “Mr. Green is an outstanding leader. He’s taught me a great deal. If I run things, I’ll try to be like Mr. Green.”

Steve likes to disagree with Mr. Green. “You don’t want me to be a yes-man do you Mr. Green? We can’t always do things your way. I have better ideas.”

Melissa prefers to support Mr. Green. “Tell me what you want done and I’ll take care of it for you.”

Steve is shocked when Mr. Green recommends Melissa for the CEO position.

Your Powers

Who are your “powers”? Who do you depend on for your success? Certainly your boss, but also your customers, colleagues, partners, leaders of your groups, influential friends and others.

Everyone depends on others for their power. Bosses depend on their staff. Fathers depend on mothers. Young politicians depend on senior politicians as well as voters and financial contributors.

Who do you depend on? Who are the people who can help you? These are your “powers.”

Now examine how you treat these powers. Do you build them up or drag them down? Do you make them more powerful or less powerful. Do you give them ease or give them stress?

How you treat these people may have more to do with your success than you realize.

Pushing Power

“Always push power in the direction of anyone on whose power you depend. It may be more money for the power or more ease or a snarling defense of the power to a critic.”

“If you work like that and the power you are near or depend upon is a power that has at least some inkling* about how to be one and if you make others work like that, then the power-factor expands and expands and expands and you too acquire a sphere of power bigger than you would have if you worked alone.” — L. Ron Hubbard (*inkling: a slight idea)

Some movie actors find it hard to share the spotlight. They think they will get ahead if they criticize others. When talking about a movie director, they say things like, “He was the toughest director I’ve ever worked for” or “She and I had artistic differences.” These actors are often out of work.

When John Travolta was promoting his movie Pulp Fiction, he constantly complimented and thanked writer/director, Quentin Tarantino. Who was John flowing power to? What happened to John’s career? It exploded! He became one of the busiest, best-paid actors in history.

Have you heard about assistants, secretaries and clerks who became millionaires? These workers flowed power to their bosses. When these bosses hit it big, they took care of their staffs. Since most bosses have an “inkling” of how to be a power, they love to share their success with those who help them succeed.

Employees who bite the hand that feeds them are soon looking for work. Staff who do not defend their bosses when their bosses are attacked see their workplace become stressful and unpleasant.

On the other hand, if you flow power to your powers, you make them happier and more successful. These powers then have the means and desire to help you. They can give you promotions, raises, freedoms, responsibilities and opportunities you would not otherwise receive. They can help you succeed in more ways than anyone else you know.

Ten Suggestions for Flowing Power to Your Powers

As long as your power has an inkling of how to be a power, these ten tips will make your own power base increase and increase.

1. Do a better job for your power than he or she expects. Surprise him or her with fast completions, incredible production and amazing results.

2. Support the power’s ideas and requests, whenever possible.

3. When the power offers you more responsibility, grab it. Do not hesitate or worry about the pay.

4. If you need to tell the power about a problem, include a solution as well. Better yet, solve the problem so you can relay the problem and the fact that it is now solved.

5. If you see your power is making a mistake, do not let him or her fail, but try to help your power. Provide the information he or she may be missing. Offer suggestions and solutions.

6. Never miss a chance to make a gesture of support. For example, insist on paying for the meal you share with a power, even if he or she is wealthier than you. Never forget the power’s birthday. Be as generous as you can be.

7. If you hear criticism about one of your powers, jump in and defend him or her. Change negative attitudes that others have about your power. Encourage them to support your power.

8. If your power is under stress, do what you can to reduce that stress. Help him or her become cheerful and optimistic. If the power is happy, everyone is happy!

9. If one of your powers is being attacked, take some of the heat. Get in front of your power and fight back. Do not let your power go down, or you too, will go down.

10. Help your power make more money. Yes, even if your power is wealthy, find ways to make him or her even wealthier. If your power’s income goes up, your income will go up.

Three Action Steps

Make a list of your powers. Who do you depend on for your success? Who can help you the most?

Write down three ways you can flow power to each of your powers.

If you then do these three things with each, and flow even more power after that, you will see your own power and success take a leap!

Copyright © 2009 TipsForSuccess.org. All rights reserved. Grateful acknowledgment is made to L. Ron Hubbard Library for permission to reproduce selections from the copyrighted works of L. Ron Hubbard.

When your spouse does something wrong, how do you react?

Some spouses like to blame. “You really embarrassed me when you told that stupid joke. You make me want to stay at home.”

Other spouses prefer to criticize. “You’re so fat it makes me sick.”

Getting even is also a favorite response. “Well, because you were flirting with Chris, I decided to flirt with Pat.”

By blaming, criticizing or getting even with your spouse, you are trying to be AT CAUSE by putting your spouse AT EFFECT. Unfortunately, putting your spouse AT EFFECT is harmful to your relationship. You start arguments and fights. Just because your parents reacted badly toward each other is no reason you need to continue the tradition.

Cause and Effect

When it comes to situations and relationships, you are either at a cause point or an effect point. When you paint a wall, you are at cause over the paint and the color of the wall. When you spill paint all over your clothes, you are at the effect of that paint.

There are two types of relationships:

1. CAUSE-EFFECT is the most common type of relationship. As in the examples above, you take command of the relationship and put someone else at the effect of you or the problem.

For example, husband John says, “Mary, you ran over the neighbor’s gate. How could you be so stupid?”

John might feel at cause over the gate problem, but Mary will feel effect.

2. In a CAUSE-CAUSE relationship, you assume a cause point yourself AND you allow or encourage others to assume the cause point as well.

This idea comes from L. Ron Hubbard who writes:

“If Mary burns the toast, John accepts responsibility for this action. This does not mean that he assumes all the responsibility and leaves none for Mary. It means that he assumes all the responsibility and that Mary assumes all the responsibility, too. They both assume all the responsibility. Under such an arrangement, no one can be blamed. All their attention goes into doing better with the toast, and none of it is wasted in blame.

“Mary runs the family automobile into the neighbor’s gate. The neighbor rushes over in a huff and encounters John in the front yard. The neighbor says, `You just ruined my gate!’ John goes with the neighbor to look at the gate and at the car. Sure enough, there is blue paint on the gate and white paint on the car. The evidence is conclusive. John agrees with the neighbor that the gate has been damaged by John’s car and he asks the neighbor to have it repaired and send him the bill. The neighbor says that the damage is not very great and so he will repair it himself. John lends him the tools and helps him to repair the gate. John insists on buying a can of white paint, and the neighbor says he will enjoy painting the gate on Sunday. He apologizes for being so excited at first. They shake hands.

“John goes into the house, and Mary says, `Dear, I hit the Jones’s gate with the car.’ John says, `Yes, I know. We’ve already repaired it.” Mary says, `I’m sorry. I was thinking about the bathroom curtains.’ John says, `That’s all right. What about the bathroom curtains?’ Mary says, I want to dye them blue.’ John says, `That’s a good idea.’

“If nobody is to blame for the damage to the gate, a constructive subject like dyeing the curtains will immediately attract John’s and Mary’s attention, since it represents future action.” — L. Ron Hubbard

Cause-cause relations are teamwork at its very best. You and your spouse accept responsibility for all of the actions of each other. You spread an umbrella of responsibility.

Imagine no arguments or upsets with your spouse. Imagine never trading insults or hurtful comments.

Making a cause-cause relationship with your spouse is the road to a happy marriage.

Give it a try!

 © 2009 TipsForSuccess.org. All Rights Reserved. Click for copyright and trademark information.

So, on our black and white T.V., our family watched The Beatles in their first American appearance.  I didn’t really know what to think but there was definitely something happening inside me.  I think something got stirred-up that had been there a long time.

Something about The Beatles was very familiar yet foreign.  Kind of similar to falling in love.  It seems so right and yet overwhelming.

The combination of Lennon and McCartney’s voices, the teenage anthem phrases like “Because she loves you!”, the ringing Rickenbacker guitars, the hair, the boots, the accents, the incredible “I’m above it all” humor and on and on and on.  They created a universe that we all of a sudden remembered we’d forgotten.

From Song/Chapter 3 “J.W.L.”  (John Winston Lennon) This Lifetime

The following dialogue took place circa 1971:

Dad: “This Saturday I want you to go get your hair cut.”

Me: “No.  I want to keep it long.”

Dad: “No.  You need to get it cut.”

Me: “I don’t want to cut it.”

Dad: “You’ve got to get it cut so do it this Saturday.”

Me: “No I don’t!  I don’t have to cut it.  It’s my hair!”

Dad: “No… it’s not.  It’s the family’s hair.”

What?! The family’s hair?!  I was speechless.  What can you say to something like that?   I inherently knew what my dad was implying.  He was giving the “big picture”.   So now, if I dismissed that as a concept, then I would be showing how completely shallow and unaware I am, which would then of course give dad the right to bypass me regarding my personal grooming and so force the haircut issue.  I was boxed in a corner.  What a brilliant tactic.  A lawyer move.  He must have learned stuff like that when he was working on getting his doctorate at the university.

My hair was short that next Saturday.

(From Song/Chapter 2, “Fifty Years”,  This Lifetime)

Illnesses, accidents and foul ups occur. They happen. They are real.

For someone to tell you “Its all in your head” or “You’re not really sick… you just think you’re sick”, is that individual not feeling or experiencing what you’re feeling and experiencing. Obviously, “its all in their head!”

However, in my experiences, I have helped many people find an underlying cause or situation which actually contributes to or had contributed to the illness or tendency to accidents and mistakes.

How come you can have 10 people in a room but only 2 of them catch the virus or germ floating around?

How come one day we are doing fine and the next day we find ourselves in a bad accident or create a bad mistake?

How come we find that there are certain chronic conditions that have been treated and treated and treated and yet continue to hold us down?

Why is it that some physicians can test us and then tell us that there is nothing wrong or they can’t find anything.

Some people feel that all illnesses can be handled spiritually or with mental tricks or through counseling. Some say that it is all physical and that all the spiritual and New Age counseling stuff is nonsense.

Believe it or not, the fact is, that a speedy recovery or a full handling of an illness often requires both a physical and a mental or spiritual type treatment.

You will find that at the source of these illnesses and/or conditions was something in the person’s life that was traumatic, emotionally stressful or some such. Sometimes it is something which happened long ago. Sometimes those same stressful factors are still present today. Sometimes there are people or things in the current environment that are similar to past stress, which then gets “energized” in Present Time and keeps the illness going.

Do not discount the power of the mind or spirit just as you should not discount getting competent medical attention.

Do both!

The leaves and plants that manifest the four seasons seem very analogous to human life.

The spring starts with growth, the summer displays full growth, the fall starts showing signs of getting old until finally with winter, we have an apparent death.

But then spring comes again and so does the cycle.

But in that cycle, something  isn’t changing. There is something that remains a constant within the cycle even though everything we perceive seems to continue to alter and change.

As far as a human being is concerned, that unchanging constant is YOU.

From Song/Chapter 9, “The Ice Rink Song”,  This Lifetime